We had the good fortune of connecting with Crystal Fielder and we’ve shared our conversation below.
Hi Crystal, what do you want people to remember about you?
I want my legacy to be one where even in death my life’s story and influence is still able to help change lives. I want to be remembered as a someone who impacted peoples lives for the better, with everyone realizing life is worth living and happiness is attainable. My legacy is important because it not only represents how I was raised and what I’ve been through, but it also represents my faith and if I lived a life that my family can burgeon under.
Alright, so let’s move onto what keeps you busy professionally?
I’m most proud of how I was able to birth beauty from pain. My #CrystalsCounsel has become a point to where I’ve had women and men benefit from my “wisdom” but to me it’s just my transparency. Normally people would be ashamed to express what they’ve gone through and choices they’ve made, but I realized early on that my pain wasn’t just for me to keep. I overcame everything that I thought I wouldn’t, bad decisions that I thought were good ones. So, I have no shame about my experiences because that’s what people have gravitated towards. To know someone like me has been where they are is a point of comfort for many. I started #CrystalsCounsel as a way to help myself get through rough times, relationships, and personal struggles with my belief. Questioning God, wondering if I’ll ever truly be loved and experience love in a manner where as a woman I didn’t have to put out (have sex), or deal with “Struggle love” in order to earn stripes of happiness. Dealing with toxic relationships most of my life I was damaged and a Single Mother on top of it all. My biological Father told me that I didn’t need a relationship with him but I needed to solidify a husband to become something. So, my first impression of a man was rejection and being spoken to as if I was less than. I thought men were good for me that didn’t even have my best interest, let alone my daughters. I wanted to be a ride or die chick so bad I was riding for men who mistreated me all for the sake of believing I would wait for them to be done sleeping around, or using their wealth as a way to try and get me to allow foolishness. I was riding for men trying to prove to them why I was wife material without even questioning if they were a good candidate to be a Father or Husband to me. I stayed putting myself second and I learned how to love without reciprocity ultimately placing me in a position of disbelief in thinking no man could genuinely be out there for me. Crystal’s Counsel was almost like a dear diary but I would write them publicly to help me heal from stupid mistakes that I allowed my heart to control. I would start getting phone calls from women especially when I would do my lives on Facebook, telling me that I helped them (unknowingly) leave a domestic abusive relationship, or they found their voice through my voice. I realized sometimes as women especially when we are in toxic relationships all we need is a voice, even if it’s literally not our own to help us see what our heart may not see and what our eyes don’t want to believe. Crystal’s Counsel became my brand unintentionally but that confirmed even more that this is what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m purposed to help people heal, love themselves, be accountable, forgive themselves, find strength to leave or let go of toxicity and walk in purpose etc…. My transparency allowed others to see that I’m passionate but not judgmental because 9x’s out of 10 I’ve already been there or seen someone deal with what you’re struggling with now. My husband always says truth will never need a witness, so it’s a matter of accepting truth, owning it, and walking to the beat of your own rhythm. It was a long road to get to where I am, but I got there by realizing that I have a daughter who is watching my every move, and that I am raising her to be better than me. Anything I deal with has an effect on her whether good or bad. If I bleed, I bleed on her and my smile doesn’t cover up any wounds. So, Crystal’s Counsel put me in the position of accountability as well and the desire to be free so she can genuinely feel and see what strength is (even when you make bad decisions that you thought were good in the moment). I had gotten to the point in my healing that I always loved the idea of love, but love just wasn’t for me to have and I was okay with that. Then I met my husband, who is the epitome of everything I ever dreamed a spouse could be for me. He had the patience of an angel because I had to reprogram my mind to understand that men can be loyal and faithful without the sexual pressure added. That there wasn’t some hidden agenda with him outside of his desire to love me, all of me, completely. Whether I had makeup on or not, whether I was sick or not, whether I was in a good mood, bad mood, fearful, resilient, stubborn, just ALL of me. He taught me how the soul connects on a level where when it does become sexual it’s a conversation between the soul and the spirit and the orgasm is the beginning of sex not the end (that’s some grown folks only conversation for a later time LOL). People were able to see the growth and dynamics of my #CrystalsCounsel and also watch my journey in love as a single parent, to a happily married woman. My purpose is to encourage others and help them see the beauty in what you may think is ashes. How death in many aspects (not just the physical) doesn’t have to be a period but can also be a semicolon or colon. It’s a matter of perspective and desire. Crystal’s Counsel has birthed different ideas even cooking ideas for me. I’m also currently working on a cookbook (name of the book is still undecided), doing slight catering with that (you all can see some pictures or place orders on Instagram and Facebook as well). One seed can grow many branches if it’s watered correctly that’s for sure. That’s what #CrystalsCounsel has done for me!!
If you had a friend visiting you, what are some of the local spots you’d want to take them around to?
My best friend Atia actually did come to visit me, she lives in Indianapolis. We had a BLAST, she came into town and we first took a nap because being in your 30’s hit a little different chile. Lol I took her to NYLO rooftop downtown for drinks and drove her around to site see a little. I took her to Fuel City tacos, then we posted up in Uptown and bar hopped. I took her to China Town off Greenville Road near Richardson; Sichuan King is my SPOT children! Tell the raspy voice Asian receptionist guy who smokes I sent ya’ll! LOL We hit up the Omni Hotel downtown, posted up to watch the game and look at some cuties (this was BEFORE I was married ya’ll so don’t start! LOL) then we headed to Catfish Floyd, We went to Pecan Lodge for some amazing BBQ, Kona Grill in Plano off the Dallas Tollway, Zena’s for good inexpensive sushi off 75 and Parker in Plano…we like to eat so don’t judge us! It was first Friday’s in the Arts District so we hit up a spot there and I took her Ellen’s Southern Kitchen, Loving Hut Vegan Restaurant in Addison, The Freeman in Deep Ellum, The Cake Bar in Trinity Grove, Red Claw in Addison. Lazy Dog in Addison, Whiskey Cake in Irving, High N Tight Lounge in Deep Ellum, It was a great mix of entertainment, food, laughs, and fun the entire time!!
Shoutout is all about shouting out others who you feel deserve additional recognition and exposure. Who would you like to shoutout?
God, my Husband Elijah, my Daughter Mijah (pronounced like Elijah….My-jah), my Mother Rosie, and last but definitely not least close friends and my family! Big UPS! Lol Nah, thank you endlessly for loving me through every part of my journey thus far. We have a long wonderful road ahead and I look forward to traveling it with each of you by my side. To my husband Elijah; I wouldn’t be where I am today, in the space that I’m in to know the true definition of love and covenant had it not been for you. Your desire to not make me an option but your only choice. Your patience, time, vulnerability has made me certain that God’s love for me is a true replica of what you are in flesh. Thank you for loving me, standing beside, behind and in front of me. I love and am grateful to do life with you. I love you! True love asks for nothing!! My sweet babygirl Mijah: My life began when I first felt you inside my womb, you made me better and for you every breath I take is for you until I can’t breathe any longer. You light up my life far beyond what the human mind can comprehend. Thank you for choosing me to be your Mother through this journey. I love you eternally!! My first love, Ma: I learned what to be watching you, so this moment of recognition is a testament that you did a damn good job raising me. Thank you for being the example because now I have the gift of extending your legacy of becoming one to my own children! Love you!! xoxoxoxo
Facebook: Crystal Fielder
Other: Also, I’m in the process of preparing a cookbook, you can see my meals that I’ve prepared on Instagram and Facebook.
Elijah-Wayne Fielder Mijah Daniel-Fielder