Meet Varrus Graves | Drag Performer and Elf for Hire

We had the good fortune of connecting with Varrus Graves and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi Varrus, can you tell us more about your background and the role it’s played in shaping who you are today?
Growing up, I was ostracised quite a bit. Our family had complex problems all through my childhood. Even at the time of my birth – my sister was born with a form of cancer that prevented her from creating white blood cells. That’s why I was born – stem cells were the only reliable way to save her back in the 90’s, so the doctors suggested my parents have another kid. By the time I was born, she had healed herself – it was a miracle, of course, but I often wonder if I would have been born, had my sister not had that cancer. It weighs on you, when you have that sitting on your shoulder. I remember learning that as a kid, and sharing it as a neat fun fact, and then as I got older, it slowly dawned on me what it really meant. Many people say I should be honored, that it is noble of me to be born for something like that. Instead it made me struggle internally with my own purpose.
I spent most of my childhood isolated and alone. I struggled to make meaningful connections. While my family and I have revisited our relationships for the most part, and are doing better, as a kid I felt I could not do anything right. I spent a lot of time on my own, getting to know myself. The strongest bond, for better or for worse, has always been the one I have with myself.
I faced a near death experience when I was around 20. I actually had to be recessutated. I will never forget the feeling of it. I think about it a lot when I am struggling emotionally. I remember, laying on that cot in the hospital, and thinking – I have so many regrets. I regret not being authentic as a teenager, not standing up for myself, shying away from converstaion. When I woke up, and realized I had survived, I knew I had been given another chance.
I always knew I would need to carve a path for myself. I spent so much time with my own thoughts – I know what I want and I am determined to find my way to my goals. One of my sisters has said she envies my confidence. The reality is, I see no other option than to chase my dreams. Whether out of sheer impulsivity, or the desire to give meaning to myself. But the impulsivity, and overall blind joy, comes from a place of me being my authentic self. It brings me unwavering joy to simply exist – a thought that used to plague my mind. But when I am at a show, surrounded by my friends, watching my peers perform, or on the stage myself, it is a kind of euphoria I could have only dreamt of.
My goal is, the next time I am on death’s door, I want to be able to close my eyes and say “I have no regrets. I was myself, unapologetically and earnestly, all the time.”

Can you open up a bit about your work and career? We’re big fans and we’d love for our community to learn more about your work.
Well, I’m an elf! Not just an elf – the original drag elf of DFW. Being an elf has been a core part of my drag since day one, and through all phases of my career, those elf ears have stayed on. Drag is escapism for me, as is my love for fantasy, and so merging those two things to form my drag persona only feels correct. My drag is very inspired by fantasy, renaissance faires, and creatures in general. When I first started drag, I got a lot of judgement for the way I do drag. But, in recent years, fantasy has gotten more popular, and I find that I am not the only drag elf anymore. It is so exciting to see so many people embrace it. Not just that, but it has brought in all kinds of new oppurtunities. I find myself working shows such as High Fantasy Events, where my kind of drag is not only welcomed, but celebrated. On my lowest days, High Fantasy has really made me feel like all of this work has been for something, and like I have finally found my place in the community.

Out of all my struggles as a performer, my biggest would be my appearance. I struggle a lot with self acceptance, and as a visual artist, the way I look is intrinsically linked to the product I put out. I have to find a way to like myself, or I will not create a good outfit, or do good makeup, or perform well.
I know that self-acceptance is a plague in this world, and we are rife with it, so my experience is not unique. I am constantly shocked to meet peers who also struggle with their self image. I think to myself, but you are so confident onstage! How could you not like how you look? And it always boils down to one thing: convincing ourselves. I try to smile at myself in the mirror, to compliment myself when I get the chance. I never thought taking compliments was so hard, but I found that my immediate response to compliments is to brush it off. Now, I make an extra effort to appreciate the compliments I receive, and to give them to myself. The process is not overnight, and I am still learning a lot about how to love myself, but I do have drag to thank for it. It really puts a magnifying lens on how you see yourself.

Let’s say your best friend was visiting the area and you wanted to show them the best time ever. Where would you take them? Give us a little itinerary – say it was a week long trip, where would you eat, drink, visit, hang out, etc.
Well, if you’re looking for a drag show, I can say for certain that Buck Wylde’s show at La Toxica in Deep Ellum is one of my favorites by far. It’s rare to see an all king show, but even rarer to see an all king drag brunch! Plus, I am a sucker for Mexican food, and they have some of the best around.
I find myself venturing over to Silver Pyramid every time I am in the area. It is right outside Dallas but still close enough to head there on a trip to the city. They are my favorite of the local metaphysical shops in DFW for so many reasons. I am a sucker for good customer service, and they have been helping me build my crystal collection since I was a teenager! It’s hard to shop there these days, because I am always trying to save money – but I always find something when I go there, and can’t help myself.

Shoutout is all about shouting out others who you feel deserve additional recognition and exposure. Who would you like to shoutout?
When I was a young performer, I had no idea what drag could be. I only knew what I saw on television. So, seeing May May Graves perform for the first time was so jarring. She was unlike anyone else, strange and unique, but with her own humor. You could really feel when she took the stage, and when she left. She made dingy bars feel like a circus tent, a grand stage, or a gothic lounge. She inspired me so much to command a stage and really make the audience look at me. I find myself still learning how to do this, and even now she serves as support and inspiration.
When I struggle to get myself on track, or when I am unable to find my own motivation, I look to her. She has created a platform for herself in our community, and commanded those around her to notice her. And it isn’t only skill – she has put the hours in to be the entertainer she is today.
May has been a friend on my journey in drag. She has reminded me that I am responsible for my own happiness time and time again. She inspired me to be the creature that I am in drag, and to be that creature proudly.

Instagram: @varrusgraves

Facebook: Varrus Graves

Other: tiktok: varrusgraves

Image Credits
Monarch Prince: Chey at Dragon Dreams Studio (@dragondreamsphoto on IG)
Action Shot at Nightshade Burlesque (purple background): Kriz Moreno (@official_turqukriz on IG)
Action Shot at We Denton Drag It 2021 (gold outfit): Danika (@fleshandflora on IG)
Korobushka at Scarborough Faire: Andy (@andypandyphotos on IG)
Blue Elf photo by me