We had the good fortune of connecting with Brenda Harkins and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi Brenda, what was your thought process behind starting your own business?
For my most recent business endeavor, and the one closest to my heart, the thought process started at a dinner with some business acquaintances back in 2016. It was just before the Clinton/Trump election. The conversation turned political, and there were people very opinionated on both sides. I was taken completely off guard by their transformation. The atmosphere turned negative quickly and went way far downhill. Some people left the table it was so uncomfortable, but I sat there feeling like I was at a tennis match with my head going back and forth at each new volley. In the middle of that chaos, the words “loud is not a language” dropped into my head. I had never heard that phrase before and sat there processing what it meant as I was watching the table drama continue to unfold. What I realized was twofold. First, that “loud” is both volume and attitude, and it isn’t interested in what others have to say. It is only interested in being heard. And second, I realized this group of professionals had absolutely no idea that pushing their agenda with such aggression was actually pushing the others away who saw it differently. Their behavior was working against what they wanted to accomplish. There was zero influence…because loud isn’t reciprocal or respectful. And nobody is influenced long term by criticism and insult. So sitting at that dinner was pivotal in me creating the Loud is Not a Language® package of services and materials. It offers a framework for communicating that builds trust between individuals, even of different persuasions, so that authentic influence without manipulation is possible. It keeps the door open for future conversations. Since then, the need in our world for learning to communicate around conflicts has only grown.

Alright, so for those in our community who might not be familiar with your business, can you tell us more?
It was challenging, but so good. I started off in the non-profit world with ministries and churches, and making the switch to the business world was a challenge for several reasons. First of all, my faith had been in common with everyone I worked with before, but now I was in a big ocean of diverse beliefs. Being able to open myself up to the love and consideration of so many more people was really wonderful.  My biggest challenge was what to charge for services. I was used to doing so much pro-bono work that it felt awkward to charge for what I used to give away. Thankfully, I had a number of people who believed in me and mentored me into a new mindset. To anyone in that same mindset shift, I would say to you: You cannot grow and have the influence you want to have in the business world without charging what you are worth. Everything costs, and your services are worth it to the people who need it. Your profit allows you to reach even more people.

What sets you apart?
What sets me apart is the diverse experience I have. I am an author and speaker that has learned to communicate in many different ways in order to form authentic connections. I am a mediator which has taught me how to be neutral in the midst of conflict and ask the right questions. I have learned that relationship with those whom we have conflict can be even stronger and better after walking through a conflict wisely and respectfully. I am a minister who loves not only God, but loves people deeply and fiercely and fights for them to be all they are meant to be. And I am a professional coach with specializations in personal, relational, strengths, and leadership coaching. There are three main beliefs that weave all those things together. First is the belief that everyone’s gift mix is completely unique, so when we don’t show up in our fullness, nobody else will. But because what is great about us feels normal to us, it often takes a discovery process to realize that fully. Second is that because we are so unique, it is essential to understand and appreciate each other’s differences in order to communicate with understanding and respect. When we do so, trust is established and that creates a foundation for moving forward in the growth of not only relationships, but all kinds of fruitfulness and productivity. Last is my belief that the business world is nothing without people, and when leaders take the time to know and lead their people with genuine care for the whole person they develop a following that will stick with them even in the downtimes. I call this relational leadership and believe no other form to be stronger. Trust is the foundation that keeps every relationship, whether personal or business, strong.

What are you most excited about?
I am most excited right now about the book release for Loud Is Not A Language coming out late this summer and the opportunities to share its message by speaking at different groups and organizations. Harkins Leadership Group does coaching, training, and speaking in several areas, but everything surrounding Loud is Not a Language® is definitely what this season is about.  It really touches every area I am passionate about – personal growth, relational growth, leadership growth, positive conflict resolution, and the ability to communicate well, respectfully, and constructively. And it does so even around conflict in ways that build authentic trust and influence without manipulation.

What are the lessons you have learned along the way?
I have learned that courage isn’t possible without fear, but courage allows us to move beyond what we are afraid of to the thing that is more important than our fear.
I have learned that we win more when we cheer others on.
I have learned that the best thing to compare ourselves, our relationships, and our businesses to is the potential that is there.

What do you want the world to know about your brand and story?
Specifically regarding Loud is Not a Language® I would like the world to know that we CAN communicate more effectively; we CAN learn to communicate in ways that increase the quality of our relationships on every level with just about anyone; we CAN influence without manipulation while never compromising our values or those of others; and we CAN genuinely love each other despite our differences.

If you had a friend visiting you, what are some of the local spots you’d want to take them around to?
Where would I take my friend visiting the area? They would have to experience some great Texas BBQ, Tex-Mex, and margaritas, for sure! We would take in some great museums in the culture district in Fort Worth, with the Modern, Kimball, and Amon Carter. Also, the Stockyards. Then on the Dallas side, definitely the The Arboretum, Reunion Tower, and the Sixth Floor Museum, because those are kind of Dallas icons.  After that I would get my youngest daughter to take us around to all the best outdoor cafes, wineries, and coffee houses she knows so well.

Shoutout is all about shouting out others who you feel deserve additional recognition and exposure. Who would you like to shoutout?
My shoutout is to my husband, Mike Harkins, who has always believed in me even before I believed in myself and has been a source of encouragement to go after my dreams long before I discovered most of them. He is the one I bounce my big ideas off of and know I will get the little details I am missing in response, which helps me continue to move forward.

Website: https://loudisnotalanguage.com

Linkedin: linkedin.com/in/brendaharkins

Other: brenda@brendaharkins.com

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